Being Manic,My Take

Way back in 2002 I began to get manic
and i didnt know what it was,I couldnt
sleep more than 30 minutes to an hour
and a half a day.

This went on for many years as i would
finally get exhausted and over sleep 
causing more friction in my life than
I wanted.

Ive had plenty of manic episodes lasting
a month but this last one lasted 9 months.

I started going down that road in October 
2022,I remember getting my video card
i wanted post pandemic.

AMD RX 6800 XT 16 gb and a Gigabyte
27 in curved gaming monitor with 
web cam. Great right?
Well Im not sure as i started spiraling
out of control.

I bought the gear and and installed
the card and set the rest up but after
that my memory is really spotty.

I dont recall my birthday,halloween,
thanksgiving,Christmas and New Years.

I went back and looked at my channel 
on you tube and videos were posted and
lots of them were complete nonsense
and didnt make much sense.

A couple months ago i finally cleaned
up that channel by deleting 40 videos.
All thats left are cooking videos i 
made in my tiny home in my tiny 
kitchen.

October 2022 was my last sane recollection.

I had a previous publication i was
doing and very well as I was getting
389 views per weekly upload and these
were global.
My readers were sending me emails
from around the globe.

Success right?

I had gone so manic that i completely
lost it and it had encompassed my
entire life and involved everyone 
and everything and i destroyed it all.

One of my readers sent me an email 
asking what all the crazyness is about
on my website,so curiously i pulled it 
up and to my shock and horror it
was complete madness.

I thought I was hacked all the while
i was in the third stage of mania
which is delusional mania.

I pulled up my website editor and I 
was horrified cuz it was all there.
I spent several hours completely out
of my mind trying to delete it all.

I put up an apology to my readers but
it was too late,it was over and I lost 
all but about 14 readers.
It was the craziest crap ive ever read.

I then completely mad with insanity
tore apart my perfect system and it
was a nightmare for sure.....

I was so insane it took me about 4 months
to figure out what exactly I did and to 
repair it all.

I was so out of it i screwed up with the
windows 11 install and boinked
my Synology NAS and destroyed all
but 1 CAT6 ethernet cable.

I was making insane decisions based
on complete lunacy and was convinced
that I was going to start a business with
no cash or any assets.

I will give you some details,
One was to ressurrect my van I destroyed
in a rollover in 2015,its completely toast.

I was going to fix it up and turn it into
a camper van/computer repair job
all the while sitting on 200 pounds
of propane in 2 tanks and live in it with
my cat in Tok in the middle of winter
and save everyone from their computer 
woes and be a hero.

Not too wild right?
Youre not going to believe this one
as recounted by a close friend.

I was going to start a transgender
porn studio in my 12x16 cabin and 
had some strange idea of coming
up with a hundred million in startup
cash out of thin air.
I was going to be the leader of this
massive company and......my friend
was going to manage dozens of
servers in his tiny apartment in Anchorage
and the porn studio would feed and 
house Alaskas homeless on a million
acre parcell of pristine wilderness
in Willow.

So as you can see I wasnt playing with
any cards in the deck except for Jokers.

Then there was the "incident".......
I wont go into that one except to say 
i cost the State of Alaska 10 grand
and a 3 week investigation into my
allegations....

Im quite lucky my friend even talks to
me as I and my mania involved
everyone and everything in and out of
my life and was callling 911 to fire my
doctors and family and dentist
I did it so much i recieved a warning
from a Trooper not to do it again....
....As far as destroying my life
I did that by 95%.....

I now have this website but i have
to start over as for readers,i think i have
30 readers at best and its mostly local
views.

Whenever I go out to town or to the
raging madness of Wasilla,I meet 
people and give out cards and am 
friendly with people,you have to be
to have this kind of publication.

I do have a great idea i wont name
to use my site for business as well in the 
future but I would need many thousands
of views per upload,thats the secret 
sauce for succeeding.

So in closing,Ive made my mark on 
this little community for better
and for worse,theres a lot of the latter.

Peace, BigT